Tuesday, 10 September 2013

5 Reasons Over 50’s Dating Isn’t Working

You Believe There Is Only One Soul Mate Or Twin Flame For You

Hollywood has done a number on your psyche when it comes to romance and finding love.
Falling in love is easy. It’s based on hormonal highs that make you feel like this special man in your life is magical and perfect for you.
Think of Jennifer Lopez and all the men she “fell in love with.”  Once the high wore off, she moved on.
It’s more important to fall in LIKE with a man because once the magic wears off after 6 to 18 months, you’ll decide whether you want to build a life together.  And chemistry is only a small part of that.

You Must Have Immediate Chemistry
Chemistry is nice, but let’s face it…hot attraction is based on the need to mate and make babies.
Our DNA is engrained with the need to find the most handsome and strongest man out there so our babies had best chance of surviving in the caveman days.
Sex is very much alive after 50. It just doesn’t happen as often as it did when you were younger.
Both sexes can have sexual issues and even when attraction is there, the type of performance you did when you were younger is rarely sustainable at this age.
More important than chemistry will be the companionship and the emotional support the two of you will give each other that will far outlast the initial chemistry as you age.

He Completes Me
image from the movie, Jerry Maguire
Photo credit: Gracie Films and TriStar Pictures
Hollywood fooled you again in the movie Jerry McGuire when Tom Cruise told the women he loved these three simple words…”You complete me!”
From that point on, men and women used this barometer as the measure for finding love.
The love of your life should compliment you, not complete you.  If they have to complete you, you’re missing something in your own life that you’re looking to have fulfilled by someone else.
After a while, this makes you appear needy because you must have the other person to make your life okay.
It’s better when you each come into a relationship with your own interests and passions. These create a glow that is so appealing to the opposite sex.
Of course, having common interests is important too for sustaining a relationship over time but it’s your individual passion that will keep the relationship alive.

Only Wanting To Date The “Beautiful” People
The media has taught us to think a person is only valuable if they are beautiful or handsome.  There’s a belief that having a handsome man on your arm raises your value to the world.
A relationship, especially after 50, is about far more than a handsome man.  Plus as you age, your looks will come from the inner glow of wisdom and feeling good about who you are today.
Handsome men make great eye candy but most of us need more depth than this to create a deeper sustainable relationship.  Don’t you agree?
Look at all the beautiful famous people you read about who are constantly breaking up or divorcing.  Could it be the outer glow has worn off creating a desire to have something deeper?

Looking For Perfection
The casualty of divorce is you really don’t want to fail again.  So you start looking for the perfect person.
On a coffee date, instead of getting to know a new and interesting man, you end up interviewing him for the position of your next serious relationship.
If he has one thing missing from the imaginary list you find yourself mentally checking off, you end the date and move on, never seeing him again.
When you were in your teens and 20’s, you found relationships with men by hanging out.  You didn’t go on a first date trying to figure out if this man was your next spouse.  No, you spent time hanging out just enjoying each other’s company.  That’s how you fell in love.
At this stage of the game, everyone comes with a ton of baggage that no one really wants to deal with.  What’s so wonderful about this time in your life is you can have all types of relationships with men.  Consider ending the traditional idea of having to marry as your goal.
Get out there and meet men who would be fun to have as a companion to hang out with.  Most people over 50 are lonely and could use a new friend in their life.
You never know, the person you passed up as your next spouse on the coffee date could over time turn out to be the greatest relationship of your over 50’s life.  All you have to do is give it a chance.
Much love and joy to you. Lisa
"The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!"
© 2013 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
Lisa Copeland, The Dating Coach who makes dating fun and easier over 50 is the founder of Find A Quality Man LLC. To get your FREE Report... 5 Secrets to Finding A Quality Man and to receive her blog with tips and advice on finding and meeting your own Quality Man, visitwww.findaqualityman.com

1 comment:

  1. So, to sum it up. If you do date, then make sure it isn’t dating in the way that our culture has defined it. It should be dating for the purpose of discerning marriage with this person or not. During all of these times, make sure you are seeing a spiritual director who can help you cut through the noise and confusion that surrounds us, especially in dating.
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