One Year Of Online Dating

Really good blog on Dating Over 50! http://1yearofonlinedatingat50.com/ Read it!

When your doorman thinks you are pathetic, you probably are.

“You’ve got to get out there while you’re still young enough to get a guy,” he said recently, and then added, “Your husband’s been gone a long time. What are you waiting for?”

“Good morning,” would’ve sufficed, but he certainly knew better than most the small life I was living. Borderline shut in I spent my days writing, took a few night classes, and occasionally went out with friends, but men? Hardly.

It was difficult to see myself in a new relationship while still in love with someone else. That was the dilemma. It was the biggest kind of love–one for the record books. Imagine if the perfect person, tailor-made, came into your life. That’s what happened to me. I knew it the moment I saw his face–like finding something I had forgotten I’d lost. After being alone for a decade, focused on raising my daughters, I finally had my fairy-tale ending.

Five years. That’s how long we were together, and then he died.

Today is an anniversary of sorts, and one I’ve dreaded. My husband has been gone longer than I knew him. I couldn’t fathom a life without him, but excruciatingly slowly I’ve learned to accept the reality of my situation. After five tough years, I’m open to the possibility of someone new in my life and ready to love again.

Two years ago I got in my car and drove from Las Vegas to Manhattan. I gave away most of my possessions and shipped only what would fit in my tiny apartment. Armed with a rough manuscript of a memoir I’d just complete (our story) and a newfound passion for writing, I thought I would immerse myself in the heart of the literary world and see if I could make something happen. Leaving all that was safe and familiar seemed crazy to many, but after losing the life I thought was mine I felt fearless.

Now that I was ready to love again, how would a 50-year-old widow living in New York City meet men? It’s hard for any single woman here where the ladies outnumber the guys but especially so when your life is spent alone hunched over a computer trying to be a writer. Gorgeous girls with Ivy educations and successful careers sit at home solo on Saturday nights in this city. What were my chances?

The answer was obvious. I’d have to jump into online dating where thousands of single men were a click away from my dance card.  My friend, an Internet dating expert, called it a numbers game. Most people go on a site, get disgusted after several bad dates and delete their profile. She said I must commit to a year and prepare to kiss a pond-full of amphibians.

Just the thought of my photos and profile on a dating website for 365 days made me jittery. I realized the stigma associated with online dating had diminished but there was something that felt, well, desperado.

BUT, the sooner I get started the quicker it might happen and this blog will document the process. If you’re considering online dating or just want to read about one middle-aged woman’s quest for love you can follow along. I’m in for a year, unless George Clooney calls or I meet my Cyber Prince Charming.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell

The Wedding Party

We're going to a friends wedding party tonight, so should be in for a great time!

But it does make me stop and think of all the single people out there this Bank Holiday weekend. These extended breaks can really drag on if you've no one special to share them with.

But it doesn't have to be this way you know. Online dating allows you to search locally for a new date, and gives you the chance to find out if they are likely to be compatible with you. All from the comfort of your own home! Once you see someone you like, you can start an online conversation and find out even more about them! If it feels right, arrange to meet up for a coffee - and you're dating again!

http://www.datingover50uk.com

The Do's And Dont's Of Online Dating

Here is what the experts had to say:

Kate Taylor, relationship expert at match.com

Do take the time to get your profile right. Spend some time making sure your profile is as good as it can be and that it accurately reflects your personality. 

Do concentrate on the written word. Make sure anything you publish on the net communicates the qualities you want to portray. 

Do make your first message count. Ensure it reads like a personal message by mentioning a few things from the person’s profile and interests that caught your eye and made you want to get in touch.

Don’t misrepresent yourself on your profile. It’s best not to use old photos for your profile picture and be completely honest about your hobbies and interests. 

Don't let a bad dating experience get you down. 

Don’t be afraid to make the first move.

Don't do this

Liz Marie, senior editor at WeLoveDates and HuffPost UK blogger

Do accept dates with people who aren't your “type”.

Do meet first dates in a public place and always let a friend or family member know where you'll be.

Do make online dating a priority.

Don't use a selfie as your profile photo! It looks like you don't have any friends!

Don't respond to every email that you receive-unless you really want to.

Don't wait for someone you're interested in to message you first!

Don't do this either

The Guyliner, HuffPost UK blogger and experienced online dater who is "taking on the internet one gay at a time"

Do be on time. Even slight lateness can set a miserable tone for the rest of the date.

Do be clean. You'd be surprised how often dates turn up without showering.

Do contribute to the conversation. It's great that you're "a good listener" but you're wrong if you think letting someone do all the talking makes for a great date.

Don't go for dinner on the first date. Once you're sitting at a table with this stranger, you're trapped until the bill comes – and they could be a very slow eater and dull to boot.

Don't arrive drunk or come from somewhere else where you've been drinking.

Don't lie on your dating profile. If you really want this to go somewhere, you'll have to be honest.

Don't do this, either

Laura Jane Williams, HuffPost UK blogger and new on the internet dating scene

Do a little research. Before you write your profile, see what people your similar age and gender are saying about themselves.

Do remember that this is a dating site, not a job interview. Use your profile as a trailer, not the full movie.

Do actually date. Get out and meet in real life!

Don't sit idle. Aim for about ten new messages a day in order to get noticed by other users, and the site's algorithm.

Don't cut and paste. It's pretty easy to spot a generic "I send this to all the girls" message, and it won't do you any favours. Personalised messages stand out much more. and get a real dialogue going.

Don't mention how you promise you won't ever tell anyone you met online. The stigma attached to online dating is long gone. Be proud that you're being proactive in your search for love.

You heard the experts - get dating online now! http://www.datingover50uk.com 

Meet the Foxy Fifties! Silver Surfers give internet dating sites a boost as it is revealed more over-50s than ever before are finding love online

• Internet dating among those aged 50+ is up by 40%
• Over-50's is fastest growing group of internet dating site users
• Online is now the second most common place to meet a partner
• First most common is through a mutual friend

It's never too late to be swept off your feet. And that's now truer than ever, thanks to the stratospheric rise of online dating.

The over-50's segment is the fastest growing group of subscribers for internet dating, and the sector has recently witnessed a 40 per cent leap in popularity.

Just ask loved-up Stella Ansell, 69, and her 72-year-old husband Peter. The newly married couple of 'silver surfers' from West Sussex were both widowed earlier in life, but they found love again with each other on the internet just two years ago.

 

Encouraged by family members who didn't want them to be alone after their partners died, they both took to the world wide web to find a companion.

Stella, 69, and Peter, 72, who met online in 2010 and are now engaged.

Joining a well known dating website, they were matched in 2010 because they're energetic, vibrant, adventurous and love doing things together.

They were engaged in October 2011 and married on 11 August this year.

And their story is becoming more and more common.

Online is now the second most common place to meet a partner, the first being through a mutual friend.

Moreover, websites catering solely for the over-50 demographic are appearing all over the internet, offering their services to the more mature dater.

Sites such as www.datingover50uk.com are all offering those over the age of 50 the opportunity to find romance.

Stella, who was alone for two years after her first husband died before joining the online site, told MailOnline: 'It's very difficult making the transitions from being a carer, to being on your own, to deciding to look for someone else.

'And then once I did eventually start trying to go to places like dinners or dancing, I got the feeling that other women were - completely unnecessarily - perhaps a little threatened by me as a single woman.

'With online dating you don't need to worry about that because you're already meeting someone who is in the same position as you.

'Both Peter and went for people online who had been widowed, not divorced, because we wanted someone who had gone through the same experience as us and come out the other side.

'Perhaps if I was 40 it would have been different, but in my sixties I wanted someone who had experienced what I had.'

Websites catering solely for the over-50 demographic are appearing all over the internet, offering their services to the more mature dater.

The couple's first date was almost, however, a disaster.

Stella said: 'It was almost horrendous! We chose to meet in a cosy pub in between us but on the day we picked there was a complete snowstorm and we were both absolutely snowed in!

'I managed to make it to the pub in the dreadful driving conditions, and as I slid across the ice into the car park I noticed only one other car doing the same.

'We both walked up to the door of the pub and there was a sign saying it was closed for refurbishment! Luckily, we both laughed, which was a good sign, and we took ourselves off for coffee...which lasted five hours'

Stella's advice for online daters over 50 is to be careful about which sites you use.

'Go to a website that looks into the type of person you really are, and matches you properly. There are sites out there that are just for a one-off date, but if that's not what you're looking for then be more thorough'.

Thanks to  MARTHA DE LACEY, Daily Mail, for the article.

5 Top Tips For The Over 50's Dating!

1. Put your best foot forward.

I hate to say it but there's serious competition out there based on the numbers from the Census Bureau.  For online dating spend time writing a profile that shows you in the best light.  Get a friend's opinion on the final draft.  And if you don't have a great photo, ask that same friend to snap a nice candid shot for you to post. 

Have a simple and flattering first date outfit already in the closet -- like a uniform.  When you have that first date, you don't have to agonize over what to where, how it fits, how you'll look.  You'll already know and be able to head to meet Mr. Maybe-Right with a little less stress.  And the best thing to show on the first date is the real you.  At 50+, who has time for being anything but authentic. 

2. Don't settle.

I'm not looking for Prince Charming anymore -- I went to his funeral years ago.  As I've gotten older, my ideal date is kind, smart, emotionally available (did I say that already?), thoughtful and not addicted to any substance other than chocolate or coffee.  Have you made a list of the qualities you'd like to find in the people you date at this point in life?  It helps you get real clear -- again -- on what works and what's non-negotiable for you in a relationship.  If someone doesn't measure up, don't settle for less than what you want. 

3. Lighten Up

When I was young, I took the whole dating thing so seriously.  As I think back on it, the end goal was to get married and have a family -- at least that's what I learned back in the day.  Now I don't really worry about getting married again.  So I'm less wedded -- not to make a pun -- to the end result and more to the journey in a relationship. 

I've also accepted that sometimes I meet someone who just not that into me.  If you haven't read the book by that name, it's enlightening-- and liberating.  From Kathryn Lord, the Romance Coach, here are a few signs that a man just isn't that into you:

• He tells you he's just not that into you.
• He tells you he isn't ready to settle down into a relationship.
• Doesn't give you a hug or a kiss goodbye.
• He doesn't call.

Sound familiar?

4. Protect yourself in all ways possible. 

First, don't share personal information, like your contact info until you've really gotten a comfort level with someone.  For instance, keep your email private which the top online dating sites always do for you.  If you decide to talk with someone on the phone, call them and *67 before you dial their number so your phone number isn't revealed. 

When you're ready to meet someone in person -- coffee in a very public place is a good first date -- advise a friend where you're going and that you will call after you leave.  My sister and I have this arrangement and it works well.  Once I progress to a longer date, like dinner, my sister knows to call at a certain time.  As I answer the call in front of my date, I apologize and jokingly explain how my sister and I look out for one another because my date -- and yours -- should know that someone cares about us.  

The other way to protect yourself is at the point you decide to take a new relationship into intimacy.  The bottom line is that over 50, we need our own stash of condoms and -- no you can't depend on the other person to have one.  Nancy over at Boomerful, who found herself single in midlife, reports that: 

After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life. Don't consider any other way, unless you are really monogamous and have both been tested. If you are in bed with a guy and he doesn't have the guts to use a condom ... or he tries to convince you that one isn't needed ... RUN. He is not worth a conversation, much less your body fluids and possibly your life.

If you're timid about buying a box of condoms from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist -- it is a weird feeling -- then you can buy them online.

5. Enjoy yourself. 

This one sounds easy but I'm not quite there.  It's a goal I haven't quite reached yet in this new world of dating over 50.  I'm hopeful, though.

XXE25M2WTWC5

Do's And Dont's Of Online Dating

Do accept dates with people who aren't your “type”.

Do meet first dates in a public place and always let a friend or family member know where you'll be.

Do make online dating a priority.

Don't use a selfie as your profile photo! It looks like you don't have any friends!

Don't respond to every email that you receive-unless you really want to.

Don't wait for someone you're interested in to message you first!

Do a little research. Before you write your profile, see what people your similar age and gender are saying about themselves.

Do remember that this is a dating site, not a job interview. Use your profile as a trailer, not the full movie.

Do actually date. Get out and meet in real life!

Don't sit idle. Aim for about ten new messages a day in order to get noticed by other users, and the site's algorithm.

Don't cut and paste. It's pretty easy to spot a generic "I send this to all the girls" message, and it won't do you any favours. Personalised messages stand out much more. and get a real dialogue going.

Don't mention how you promise you won't ever tell anyone you met online. The stigma attached to online dating is long gone. Be proud that you're being proactive in your search for love.

Avoiding First Date Faux Pas (Part 2): What Never To Talk About On A First Date

Last month's article ("Avoiding First Date Faux Pas Part 1: What Never to Do on a First Date"), we discussed what never to do on a first date (with a few additional great suggestions from readers). This month's Dating Faux Pas Prevention continues with another subject of concern to many; what are the two of you going to talk about on that first date? Even though this is one of the most common dating questions that I receive, I am instead sharing something far more important... what not to talk about on the first date:

**Don't discuss wanting to get married or have children: Obviously, if you have previously been married and/or if you have children, this is going to be a topic of discussion. Further, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get married, get remarried, have children or have more children. However, future marriage plans and reproductive goals are not appropriate first-date conversation topics. You do not want your date feeling as though they are going to be dragged to a jewelry store after knowing you for all of two hours. And a side note to the gentlemen: Guys, this may seem obvious but please do not propose on a first date -- it is neither cute, nor is it romantic. It is just plain creepy (and yes, it does happen).

**Don't discuss personal finances; either yours or theirs: Talking about the current state of the national or world economy is fine and certainly a timely subject. However, discussing personal financial situations should remain off limits. In fact, I believe that until an exclusive relationship is established, finances should remain private.

**Don't engage in overtly sexual discussion: Playful flirting is fun; it's part of the dating process and it makes us feel good. However, imagine my own disgust when several years ago, one of my simultaneous first-and-last dates started describing one of his particular sexual predilections -- in extremely explicit detail and about ten minutes into the date. This was not flirting... this was frightening. I am by no means a prude but seriously, the only thing that this winner was lacking was a diagram.

I said it last month and I will say it again... what message do you really want to send? Playful flirting suggests that you are attracted to one another. Graphic descriptions of sexual scenarios in which you would like to engage immediately after meeting someone suggests that you drive a windowless van without license plates.

**Don't get into specific details as to how your previous marriage or relationship ended: It is perfectly normal to reveal a few details of how your previous relationship situation ended. However, do not go into a great amount of detail on the first date, as you might easily give the impression that you are still going through the earlier stages of the recovery process. For example most of the people I dated would inquire as to the circumstances surrounding my late husband's death. I would tell them that he had battled Lou Gehrig's disease (because not many people are familiar with the term "ALS") and the usual response was, "I'm so sorry." I then replied, "Thank you," and that was it. I would not go into any further details until or unless a relationship ensued.

The previous-relationship discussion certainly can and should take place if a relationship develops; however, discussing your past too soon, especially with great passion (whether that passion manifests as anger, sadness, tears or longing) will give the impression that you are not yet ready to date. If you are still recovering from the end of your previous relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; however, if that is the case, you may wish to consider stepping back from dating for the time being.

**Don't discuss illnesses/ailments/family issues: You do not want to lead with what is considered to be extremely personal information. For example, if you or a loved one has overcome a serious illness or disorder, that is fantastic and definitely cause for celebration; however, it is not a suitable first-date topic -- remember, your date is someone brand new to your life. The same thing goes for any kind of issues within your family (estate battles, divorce battles, custody battles, difficulty with children, finances, family estrangements, an unfortunate childhood, etc.). Again, these are definitely discussions that you can and should have once a relationship establishes; however, leading with these kinds of disclosures on a first date screams "Way too much information way too soon".

**Don't discuss job or career difficulties: It is entirely acceptable to discuss your careers on a first date; this is conversation that gives you a great sneak peek into the person with whom you are sitting. Moreover, and regardless of the social situation or scenario, one of the first questions that we are usually asked is, "What do you do?" However, if you are experiencing difficulties at work (a bullying boss or co-worker, a round of layoffs, etc.), keep that information to yourself for the moment and instead talk about why you love your career. If you are not especially happy in your current career, talk instead about the career to which you aspire and why.

...and let us not forget the "Big Two"

**Don't discuss politics or religion: It may be cliché, but it is true nonetheless. These are indeed the "Big Two"; the subjects that you will initially want to either tread extremely carefully around or avoid altogether. You can usually get a good feel for where another person is politically and religiously (or spiritually) just by talking to them, however, unless both of you are clearly on the same side of the fence (i.e., you met at your house of worship or at a political party fundraiser), these are hot-button issues that should be approached with great caution.

I once again congratulate you on your willingness to venture back out into the World of Dating. Doing so means that despite the pain that you have suffered with the end of your previous marriage or relationship, you also acknowledge your life is meant to be lived to the fullest in every respect and if you choose it, that life can and should include companionship and love.

Carole's latest book, "Happily Even After..." has won the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award. For more information about Carole Brody Fleet and Widows Wear Stilettos, please visit www.widowswearstilettos.com

Or why not search for your perfect date HERE?