Am I Too Old To Date Again?

In today's world, people don't often realize the importance of companionship until later in life. Staying fit and physically and socially active increases your odds of finding someone to date, and also increases your libido and your chances of successful sex. But, beware of too much focus on the surface, and not enough content. Such relationships quickly become empty and stressful.

Older couples have many issues to work out while dating. They are established, with clear likes and dislikes, and may have difficulty reaching agreement on lifestyle issues. They often have grown families, who may have trouble accepting a parent's or grandparent's dating. They also have relationship experience, and a widow or widower, for example, may have trouble getting beyond the previous marriage, and dealing with a different person.  The media focus on youth and fitness these days can make anyone feel insecure and unattractive. 

The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, shows you how to use the "get a life" method of pursuing your interests in a group fashion. Taking classes, supporting causes, or getting involved in civic, church or social groups will keep you interested, socially connected, and give you a chance to find someone with whom you have something in common.   Focus on activities that you enjoy (sports, classes, or political, social, charitable or religious activities ) which involve meeting other people and creating a social circle.  

If you are doing things that are meaningful to you, you'll automatically have something in common with anyone you meet there. It will also move your focus from desperation to something productive, which will bring out your most attractive character traits. As a bonus, you also get to observe that person around other people, which will tell you a lot about his/her character. Dating doesn't happen until you are already quite sure you two are mutually compatible and interested, and success is almost guaranteed.

Why not take a look at the book - it may help you get started again!  

                                                                    

Meet the Foxy Fifties! Silver Surfers give internet dating sites a boost as it is revealed more over-50s than ever before are finding love online

• Internet dating among those aged 50+ is up by 40%
• Over-50's is fastest growing group of internet dating site users
• Online is now the second most common place to meet a partner
• First most common is through a mutual friend

It's never too late to be swept off your feet. And that's now truer than ever, thanks to the stratospheric rise of online dating.

The over-50's segment is the fastest growing group of subscribers for internet dating, and the sector has recently witnessed a 40 per cent leap in popularity.

Just ask loved-up Stella Ansell, 69, and her 72-year-old husband Peter. The newly married couple of 'silver surfers' from West Sussex were both widowed earlier in life, but they found love again with each other on the internet just two years ago.

 

Encouraged by family members who didn't want them to be alone after their partners died, they both took to the world wide web to find a companion.

Stella, 69, and Peter, 72, who met online in 2010 and are now engaged.

Joining a well known dating website, they were matched in 2010 because they're energetic, vibrant, adventurous and love doing things together.

They were engaged in October 2011 and married on 11 August this year.

And their story is becoming more and more common.

Online is now the second most common place to meet a partner, the first being through a mutual friend.

Moreover, websites catering solely for the over-50 demographic are appearing all over the internet, offering their services to the more mature dater.

Sites such as www.datingover50uk.com are all offering those over the age of 50 the opportunity to find romance.

Stella, who was alone for two years after her first husband died before joining the online site, told MailOnline: 'It's very difficult making the transitions from being a carer, to being on your own, to deciding to look for someone else.

'And then once I did eventually start trying to go to places like dinners or dancing, I got the feeling that other women were - completely unnecessarily - perhaps a little threatened by me as a single woman.

'With online dating you don't need to worry about that because you're already meeting someone who is in the same position as you.

'Both Peter and went for people online who had been widowed, not divorced, because we wanted someone who had gone through the same experience as us and come out the other side.

'Perhaps if I was 40 it would have been different, but in my sixties I wanted someone who had experienced what I had.'

Websites catering solely for the over-50 demographic are appearing all over the internet, offering their services to the more mature dater.

The couple's first date was almost, however, a disaster.

Stella said: 'It was almost horrendous! We chose to meet in a cosy pub in between us but on the day we picked there was a complete snowstorm and we were both absolutely snowed in!

'I managed to make it to the pub in the dreadful driving conditions, and as I slid across the ice into the car park I noticed only one other car doing the same.

'We both walked up to the door of the pub and there was a sign saying it was closed for refurbishment! Luckily, we both laughed, which was a good sign, and we took ourselves off for coffee...which lasted five hours'

Stella's advice for online daters over 50 is to be careful about which sites you use.

'Go to a website that looks into the type of person you really are, and matches you properly. There are sites out there that are just for a one-off date, but if that's not what you're looking for then be more thorough'.

Thanks to  MARTHA DE LACEY, Daily Mail, for the article.

5 Top Tips For The Over 50's Dating!

1. Put your best foot forward.

I hate to say it but there's serious competition out there based on the numbers from the Census Bureau.  For online dating spend time writing a profile that shows you in the best light.  Get a friend's opinion on the final draft.  And if you don't have a great photo, ask that same friend to snap a nice candid shot for you to post. 

Have a simple and flattering first date outfit already in the closet -- like a uniform.  When you have that first date, you don't have to agonize over what to where, how it fits, how you'll look.  You'll already know and be able to head to meet Mr. Maybe-Right with a little less stress.  And the best thing to show on the first date is the real you.  At 50+, who has time for being anything but authentic. 

2. Don't settle.

I'm not looking for Prince Charming anymore -- I went to his funeral years ago.  As I've gotten older, my ideal date is kind, smart, emotionally available (did I say that already?), thoughtful and not addicted to any substance other than chocolate or coffee.  Have you made a list of the qualities you'd like to find in the people you date at this point in life?  It helps you get real clear -- again -- on what works and what's non-negotiable for you in a relationship.  If someone doesn't measure up, don't settle for less than what you want. 

3. Lighten Up

When I was young, I took the whole dating thing so seriously.  As I think back on it, the end goal was to get married and have a family -- at least that's what I learned back in the day.  Now I don't really worry about getting married again.  So I'm less wedded -- not to make a pun -- to the end result and more to the journey in a relationship. 

I've also accepted that sometimes I meet someone who just not that into me.  If you haven't read the book by that name, it's enlightening-- and liberating.  From Kathryn Lord, the Romance Coach, here are a few signs that a man just isn't that into you:

• He tells you he's just not that into you.
• He tells you he isn't ready to settle down into a relationship.
• Doesn't give you a hug or a kiss goodbye.
• He doesn't call.

Sound familiar?

4. Protect yourself in all ways possible. 

First, don't share personal information, like your contact info until you've really gotten a comfort level with someone.  For instance, keep your email private which the top online dating sites always do for you.  If you decide to talk with someone on the phone, call them and *67 before you dial their number so your phone number isn't revealed. 

When you're ready to meet someone in person -- coffee in a very public place is a good first date -- advise a friend where you're going and that you will call after you leave.  My sister and I have this arrangement and it works well.  Once I progress to a longer date, like dinner, my sister knows to call at a certain time.  As I answer the call in front of my date, I apologize and jokingly explain how my sister and I look out for one another because my date -- and yours -- should know that someone cares about us.  

The other way to protect yourself is at the point you decide to take a new relationship into intimacy.  The bottom line is that over 50, we need our own stash of condoms and -- no you can't depend on the other person to have one.  Nancy over at Boomerful, who found herself single in midlife, reports that: 

After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life. Don't consider any other way, unless you are really monogamous and have both been tested. If you are in bed with a guy and he doesn't have the guts to use a condom ... or he tries to convince you that one isn't needed ... RUN. He is not worth a conversation, much less your body fluids and possibly your life.

If you're timid about buying a box of condoms from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist -- it is a weird feeling -- then you can buy them online.

5. Enjoy yourself. 

This one sounds easy but I'm not quite there.  It's a goal I haven't quite reached yet in this new world of dating over 50.  I'm hopeful, though.

XXE25M2WTWC5

'Why Bother Looking For Love at This Stage?' One Woman Asked

Why am I still open to a new relationship-still in this often difficult and sometimes even painful game?

In the comments section of my blog, a question one reader posed just stopped me in my tracks. Her comment: "When are we (and by 'we' I assume she mainly meant me) going to finally stop looking for a new man for this latter part of our lives when so many of us have already created such full, busy, fulfilling, wonderful lives? Do we really need to put up with the potential needs, demands and idiosyncrasies that any man we find online would put on us, for potentially minimal return on our investment?"

I appreciate comments, because many are thought-provoking. This one, though, made me sad, because of what I see as her resignation. If I understand exactly what she's saying, she wants "us" older women to give up the hunt and accept that we've already had our time as part of a loving, passionate relationship, be it a marriage or other form of companionship. So ladies, that game is over for us, let's just give up the Quixotic quest, settle down to old age and find fulfillment with family and friends, clients and associates if we're still working, grand-kids if we have any, dogs, cats, books, and favourite TV shows? Anyone for golf, bridge, canasta?

Perhaps this strategy has worked for this commenter. Perhaps it has even brought her happiness or at least contentment. But I personally am not resigned. I was a happily married woman and knew what it was to have a solid, beautiful relationship. I have also never resigned from anything in my life and don't intend to now. Yes, this "online dating" thing is not easy. You need to become adept at reading between the lines. You need to have a sharp ear for what's not said. You need to sift through some "little white lies" and some big ones too...like the 'midweek dater' who took me out to one of the best restaurants in the city (which by the way does not impress me; I am happy in a diner with the right guy). Over champagne in icy chilled glasses (well okay that was quite nice!) he asked me out again--for another Tuesday night---then offered every excuse possible about why he could not be available to date on weekends. Well, every excuse except that four letter word the starts with W and ends with E. Just put IF in the middle and you have his real reason! Who falls for these things?

The selection process is harder now than it was at an earlier age, because of the illusions and delusions you have to push through. If there is a next life, maybe I'll come back as a male. If I do come back as a guy and wind up on match.com at this same age I am now, 72, or even older, and write in my profile as so many men do, that I want to meet women "35 to 45" or some equally inappropriate age ranges, please just kill me. You have my written permission.

Give up looking for love, again? Never! I know what intimacy is, and I want it again, in this life, not the next.

When I read her comment, I also wondered if this woman would give this advice to men about not bothering to look for love one last time. One of the men I dated a couple of times was a Harvard-trained doctor, a brilliant conversationalist and a world traveller with energy and much love and affection to share. He is a young 88. Turned out he wanted someone in a similar situation: retired and able to travel regularly with him. Tempting as that was I am so far away from retirement I can't even see that distant shore. Plus, yes, his age was a consideration. My point is that this sweet man, even at age 88, was sure not ready to give up his one more chance at the brass ring. He wants a loving woman on his arm, in his bed and next to him in the first class or river cruise cabin. And why not, when he richly deserves it! Do we want to play it safe, and eventually die in a nursing home, drooling and in diapers, or play big, make love on the high seas, and maybe never have to go down that slippery slope...?

Yes, Virginia, there are many delusional people in this world! But as long as there is hope and goodness and online dating I will keep believing in this particular Santa Claus: the one that will one day deliver another great man to my door, and have him stay with me right through to the end, in my daily life, in my bed, and always, making me laugh.

It would help if he can cook, since I am hopeless in the kitchen. I nuked a potato in the microwave recently. I didn't know you should only leave it in for about six minutes so I put it in for an hour. I was still clueless, even as the smoke alarm went off and the entire apartment filled with smoke. When I opened the microwave door, all I saw sitting here was a tiny black marble. I nuked a potato! Okay, that is not my area of genius. A man who can laugh at my human failings and foibles will earn my trust and love, and I will do the same for him.

People have asked how "that date" went, the one I wrote about last week in my first Huffington Post blog. Are you ready for this? I did tell him that I "might" write about dating for the HP (because, frankly, I didn't want him to ask to see anything and know I already wrote about him). He said, "Great. I'll help you with the research, because you will need a man's POV. So can you set me up with Martha Stewart? Not that I'm interested in her. I would do it for you. I'll report back on our date, and you can write it up."

He was serious! As kindly as I could, I told him people were already setting Martha up with men like Liam Neeson and Tim Robbins. Did he (living on modest income, admitted he could not "perform") really think he had a chance with her? I did ask him that, but did NOT mention his shortcomings. I figured he would know what I meant. "Oh sure," he said without hesitation, completely confident he had what it takes. "Martha would really like me. I would be a refreshing change. A real person, not some entertainer."

'Some entertainer' eh? Ok, going back to delusional, as I said, it isn't always easy to deal with. But, since we all have a touch of it, let's be kind to each other. Of course I will never see this man again. Interestingly, I was debating how to break our next date, and decided to send him an email, and then call. He actually took it real well, saying he understood. "You live in Manhattan and I live in New Jersey. The commute is just too difficult." Let him live with that belief, that it's the commute, and let him find his own way to Martha Stewart. I have 24 more interesting matches in my inbox right now, and I am going to answer a few.

But I do have another amazing story to tell you next week...about a much younger man who wrote to me, and a story that a woman told me that will make any disappointment you might have most likely pale in comparison.

In the week and months ahead, unless someone shuts me down, there will be happy stories, funny stories, poignant stories and more, all true, and all meant to help light the way and make your journey down this road perhaps a little bit brighter, so stay tuned. And please do share your own thoughts and stories with me.

Thanks to:

Judy Katz

It's Never Too Late To Date!

Too many women in their 50's and beyond have given up on ever meeting Mr. Practically Perfect. But a small inner voice whispers, "Will I always have to eat alone and go to bed with a book?" Responding to that voice, the authors' encouraging message is, "It's never too late. We did it. So can you."

Think of every date as an adventure. If it ends with a handshake instead of a kiss, never beat yourself up. Just smile ruefully, mentally push last night's loser off a cliff, and move on to the next candidate. Above all: persist, persist, persist.

Howard and Shirley wrote a book on it! Click on their link below to see more...

http://www.itsnevertoolatetodate.com/

Or if you are ready, click HERE to find your perfect match!

Going Out On A Date?

Remember to HAVE FUN! 

You aren't solving world peace or the Bermuda Triangle. 

You are going to meet someone that is quite possibly cute and charming, and someone you may just like, so just relax and let it happen. And, worst-case scenario, you can always write a fun blog about all of your dating adventures!

Worse things have happened!

http://www.datingover50uk.com

Online Dating Advice

Whether you're completely new to online dating, or are just getting back onto the dating scene after a break, there are a few things you should bear in mind before getting started. Keep in mind that to grow any relationship, you have to give a little to get a little, we also want you to exercise caution when getting to know any potential new dating partners whether you meet them in a bar, through a friends or on our site. Here are a few things you might like to consider:

Stay in Control

We want to ensure that you have a safe and successful experience on Dating Over 50 UK. We therefore strongly recommend that you stay within the site to build up relationships over time, rather than giving out your phone number, personal email or instant messenger address to matches that interest you straight away. Remember that on our site you are fully in control of all your searches and can choose to take things at your own pace.

Keep it Real

With online dating you get what you give. Honesty and communication have often been viewed as the cornerstones of a happy relationship, so by being honest about yourself and what you're looking for in a partner from the start, you'll have a better chance of meeting someone who's right for you. Research shows that members with photographs receive as many as seven times more responses to their profiles than those without. So be sure to choose a recent picture that accurately reflects how you look now. Pick a headshot that clearly shows your face, in focus, smiling and in a flattering light, and maybe a full-length shot, or one showing you doing something you enjoy such as walking your dog in the country.

Get the Most From Your Time on Dating Over 50 UK

When creating your profile, you want to catch peoples' eyes and stand out from the crowd, so it pays to be specific in your interests and to highlight the qualities you have. Don't just simply state 'I have a good sense of humour' or 'I enjoy nights in with a bottle of wine and a DVD'. Try to expand a little. If someone you like the sound of shows an interest in you, take a good look at their profile. Personalising your first email to them is everything. Pick up on common life experiences and interests and make a connection that way. A first email is about getting the conversation started, not revealing your entire life story - so leave something for you both to chat about next time. Make responding to your email as easy as possible by asking them some questions, it's important to remember that the person at the other end may be waiting for you to make the first move.

Loneliness 'time bomb' warning fuelled by baby-boomer divorces

Research published as part of David Cameron’s plan to measure the nation’s “happiness” indicates that almost seven million members of the baby-boomer generation and above admit feeling lonely.

Among people over 80, the proportion rises to almost half, including a large minority who admit they feel lonely much of the time.

But campaign groups warned that the study suggests that the generation now approaching retirement will prove to be a “loneliness time bomb”.

The study, published by the Office for National Statistics (ONS), shows that loneliness is most acute among those who live alone or have long-standing illnesses which prompt then to become more isolated.

But the report also draws attention to the role of divorce and separation among over 50s as a major contributory factor.

Using data gathered as part of the English Longitudinal Study on Ageing which follows the lives of more than 10,000 English people throughout older age, ONS analysts found that 34 per cent of people aged 52 and over openly described themselves as feeling lonely some or much of the time.

Among over 80s the proportion rises to 46 per cent, including 17 per cent who said that they felt lonely much of the time.

Almost six out of 10 of those samples who lived on their own spoke of feeling lonely, the same proportion of those who described them selves as being in poor health who also felt acute isolation.

Unsurprisingly those who had been widowed were most likely to feel lonely some or much of the time – 63 per cent. But those who had been divorced or separated were next in line, with 51 per cent reporting loneliness marking their lives.

By contrast only just over four out of 10 of those who had always been single said they felt lonely.

The figures show that consistently higher proportions of women report feeling loneliness more acutely than men. The ONS said that this may be because, as women live longer, a higher proportion experience being widowed than men.

Official figures published last year showed that the numbers of According to the Office for National Statistics the number of so-called “silver splitters” – older people getting divorced from their husband or wife had almost doubled in a decade.

Laura Ferguson, director of the Campaign to End Loneliness, who supports greater services for older people, said social changes meant that Britain could soon be facing a loneliness epidemic.

She said: “In the cohort of people coming through there are larger numbers of people living alone – partly due to divorce – than ever before.

“If we don’t shift attitudes to being alone and not being happy with that, I think frankly they are a time bomb.

“If there is a large cohort coming through with all of the risk factors [for loneliness] we are going to have a very serious problem.”

She added that the problem was most acute among women not just because of the loss of a partner but because women are more likely than men to experience bereavement through the loss of close friends whom they outlive.

Michelle Mitchell, director general of Age UK, said: “As we get older, we are more likely to suffer illness and disability which can prevent us from getting out and about, and people’s social networks often shrink due to life-changing events such as retirement and bereavement which can increase the risk of becoming lonely.

“We are extremely concerned that cuts to local authority budgets are exacerbating the problem of loneliness and isolation for many older people.”

Andrew Burgess, planning director of Churchill Retirement Living, said: “The latest census data shows that approximately one in six people in England and Wales are over 65 and this is by far the fastest growing age group.

“Many people in this age range will end up in single-person households due to the death of a partner, the breakdown of a relationship, or the loosening of family bonds.

“Declining health and mobility challenges will invariably exacerbate the situation for many.

“This is not just a problem for us as a society concerned for the mental well-being of our neighbours – studies have shown that lonely people are more likely to suffer from health problems and require more support from the state.”

Article from The Daily Telegraph

You don't have to be alone - find a senior partner here

Getting Back in the Game

Dating among the senior set is becoming more popular thanks to online dating sites for retirees and a more liberal acceptance of senior sexuality. Seniors may have a lot of experience under their belts, but they’re also up for new adventures and relationships. This list of dating tips is just for seniors, from the casual dating crowd to grandmas looking for love.

Dating again after a divorce, death or just a long slump can be overwhelming. There are new rules to the game, but that doesn’t mean you have to be left out. Check here for tips on getting back on your feet.

1. No excuses: Don’t cheat yourself of love in your later years by telling yourself that you’re too old or too out-of-date to have a good time. You don’t have to be the cutting edge serial dater you were in your 20's, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to find someone who makes you happy.
2. Remember how much fun you used to have: Get out of the house and surround yourself with friends and contemporaries when you’re feeling low.
3. Start off slow: Ease yourself back into dating by attending group events at community centers you’re familiar with.
4. Don’t overdo it: Staying out all night or all weekend may have been easy back in the day, but keep yourself in check when you’re first starting to date again.
5. Dating After Loss of a Spouse: Read Elaine Williams’ blog entry about grieving for a spouse and understanding when you’re ready to move on.
6. Be open minded: The rules may have changed a bit since you were dating, so be open minded about modern dating etiquette.
7. Stay true to yourself: You’ve kept your morals and your opinions this long, so don’t sacrifice everything you know for a new beau.
8. Don’t abandon your past: If you’re afraid that a new boyfriend or girlfriend will make you forget your family or past relationships, have a discussion with that person to let them know that you’ll always remain close to your past and that a new relationship doesn’t entail leaving them behind.
9. Don’t take it so seriously: Getting back in the game can be nerve wracking at first, but just remember to have fun, explore your options and stay true to yourself.
10. Moving On After a Relationship Break-Up: This article offers more tips for moving on to another relationship after a break-up, divorce or even the death of a loved one.

Start dating again and find new friends here!

http://www.datingover50UK.com

Advantages of Dating After 40!

On Dec. 31, 2009, one day before the baby boomer generation turned 65, a New York Times article reported, "79 million baby boomers, about 26 percent of this country's population, will be redefining what it means to be older."

Today, in 2013, this statement may be proving to be true. The healthier, harder working and simply younger-seeming face of middle age and senior men and women is something worth acknowledging. And a generation that refuses to take on the stigmas of old age and give up vital aspects of themselves in the process? Well, that's something worth celebrating.

One of the worst of these stigmas is that a person can be "too old to fall in love." The 2009 census showed that of the 96 million Americans who are single, 17 percent of them are over 65. Imagine these 16.2 million people writing off the possibility of spending the rest of their days with someone they love. Then picture the millions more 40- and 50-something men and women who are buying into the belief that it's just too late for them to be in a happy, fulfilling romantic relationship.

When it comes to dating later in life, the scene is far from hopeless. A 2003 AARP survey of 3,501 single men and women aged 40-69 showed that 63 percent were dating. An additional 13 percent wanted to find a date, while 14 percent were interested "if the right person happens to come along." Almost half of those surveyed stated that their main reason for dating was "to have someone to talk to or do things with." Companionship is incredibly important at every age. The better we know ourselves, the better able we are to choose partners who complement us and enhance our daily lives. Thus, there are certain real advantages of dating after 40, 50, or any age in which you are able and willing to reflect on your years of experience and genuinely learn from your past.

One benefit of dating after 40 is that by this age, most of us have had a variety of experiences in at least one serious relationship. This gives us the opportunity to reflect on our patterns. We can think about the people we have chosen and question the traits we are looking for. We often wind up with the same kind of partner in the same kind of relationship -- without even realizing how we got there. An important concept to keep in mind when dating is that we aren't always attracted for the right reasons. Relationships tend to fail when we seek out and pair up with people whose defenses and negative characteristics perfectly complement our own.

When it comes to pursuing a romantic relationship, we don't have to act automatically or get stuck in old patterns. We can resist falling into a relationship based on form or familiar dynamics, choosing a real connection over what my father psychologist and author Robert Firestone refers to as a fantasy bond, an illusion of fusion in which two people seek a feeling of safety and familiarity by choosing people who fit with old identities. Couples in a fantasy bond tend to merge their identities, relating as a unit instead of two independent individuals

By understanding our history, we can make a conscious effort to make different choices, to look for new kinds of partners, and to challenge destructive tendencies in ourselves. It's no wonder that in the same AARP survey both men and women listed their biggest romantic frustration as "dating people with a lot of baggage." The more we are willing to look into our own emotional baggage and uncover our real selves, the more successful we will be in our intimate relationships.

As we get to know ourselves, we are certain to find out things we don't necessarily like that hurt us in past relationships. Clients of mine often recognize in retrospect ways they were overly controlling, jealous, passive, or victimized in their marriage or a serious relationship. They've also learned a great deal about the people they've chosen. Many of us tend to be drawn to partners who recreate familial dynamics from childhood. We may choose people who treat us in ways that were similar to how we were treated in our household. We may choose someone who doesn't respect or acknowledge us or someone who is intrusive or demanding toward us. When we accept the fact that some of the people we're attracted to aren't always the ones who treat us the best, we are better able to be open to people who are different from our "type."

A woman in her 50s realized that her whole life she'd only dated men who were unsuccessful, struggled financially, and who she somehow wound up supporting. This dynamic fit with her identity growing up: Her father had called her "the son he never had" and pressured her to become a self-reliant businesswoman. Meanwhile, he himself drove the family to bankruptcy with his own corrupt business practices. The woman's feeling that she needed to "take care" of a man was deeply rooted in her past. When she finally dated a man who was self-sufficient and supported himself, she actually felt insecure, as though she were no longer needed. However, by becoming aware of this tendency in herself, she was able to break the pattern and achieved happiness in her relationship.

After seeking the same sort of partner for years, it can be difficult to tell if we are attracted to someone for the right or wrong reasons. One helpful approach is to enlist the help of friends. Another advantage of dating later in our lives is that, by now, we usually have at least a small network of solid, longtime friends who we really trust. Sometimes our friends are more aware of our negative tendencies than we are.

Try taking your friends' advice on who you should date. If you're looking into online dating, try going out with someone your friend suggests. Years ago, a friend of mine in her late 60s refused to go out with a highly interested bachelor she was introduced to on a dating site. She wrote him off as "too persistent, too formal," and even "too old." Eventually, she allowed another female friend of hers to talk her into accepting a date with the man. Despite her initial resistance, she couldn't deny that her friend was right. The man made her laugh, made her happy, and she's enjoyed her relationship with him ever since, experiencing more emotional closeness than ever before.

One downside of dating later in life is that we tend to use our negative past experiences to colour our outlook on relationships in general. No matter how many "insensitive losers" we think we've dated, that does not mean every man or woman out there is another "insensitive loser" waiting to be unmasked. When we enter the dating world, we should expect to have countless "critical inner voices" toward ourselves and our potential partners. These negative thoughts may tell us we are too old or that it's too late for us, that love is not for us, or that we are not attractive anymore. Our "voices" about our partner or potential partner may include thoughts like, "All the good ones are already taken," or "There must be something wrong with him/her," or "He/ She is only interested in you for security."

These thoughts must be acknowledged and challenged whenever they arise. Don't succumb to critical inner voices about yourself or the people who might make you happy. Don't be quick to put yourself down or pick your partner apart. Instead, take chances and tune in to how you feel in your heart, instead of tuning in to the running analysis in your head. The online dating world in particular opens up the doorway to meet new people; however, be careful to avoid the allure of the critical voice telling you that there is always something better out there instead of making it work with someone who you could have a real connection with.

The best case scenario for any relationship is for two strong, independent people to get together and truly enjoy each other. When you date later in your life, you're often forced to acknowledge that both you and your partner have your own separate, adult lives. You may even have two families, two sets of children, etc. You can use this reality to exercise respect and patience with each other as autonomous individuals. In this way, you can become close while maintaining your separate identity. While it may feel like there is more pressure to find someone the older you get, some of the pressure is actually off. You may no longer be feeling the societal pressures of looking for a spouse, having kids, or seeking financial support. Instead, you are simply looking for true companionship -- someone who makes you happy, a person you enjoy spending your time with.

When we do find someone, it's valuable to remember that all close relationships stir up existential fears. When we value another person, we value life more, and it becomes much more frightening to think of losing it. When we are older, more of these fears naturally tend to arise. Yet, we can use this reality to be even more present in the moment and to enjoy and appreciate the preciousness of the time we have with someone we care for. We can experience the real joys of life and uncover more aspects of ourselves.

Anxieties about getting older make it all too easy to succumb to the stereotype that love is for kids. It is neither foolish nor undignified to be in love at any age. Love actually helps us live longer. It brings us out of our shell. The part of us that wants to connect with someone else is always alive within us. It doesn't burn out or fade away. The more we develop as individuals and discover new aspects of ourselves, the better able we are to be close to someone else. Because of this, it is truly never too late to fall in love.

Read more from Dr. Lisa Firestone at PsychAlive.org.

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