Meet the Foxy Fifties! Silver Surfers give internet dating sites a boost as it is revealed more over-50s than ever before are finding love online

• Internet dating among those aged 50+ is up by 40%
• Over-50's is fastest growing group of internet dating site users
• Online is now the second most common place to meet a partner
• First most common is through a mutual friend

It's never too late to be swept off your feet. And that's now truer than ever, thanks to the stratospheric rise of online dating.

The over-50's segment is the fastest growing group of subscribers for internet dating, and the sector has recently witnessed a 40 per cent leap in popularity.

Just ask loved-up Stella Ansell, 69, and her 72-year-old husband Peter. The newly married couple of 'silver surfers' from West Sussex were both widowed earlier in life, but they found love again with each other on the internet just two years ago.

 

Encouraged by family members who didn't want them to be alone after their partners died, they both took to the world wide web to find a companion.

Stella, 69, and Peter, 72, who met online in 2010 and are now engaged.

Joining a well known dating website, they were matched in 2010 because they're energetic, vibrant, adventurous and love doing things together.

They were engaged in October 2011 and married on 11 August this year.

And their story is becoming more and more common.

Online is now the second most common place to meet a partner, the first being through a mutual friend.

Moreover, websites catering solely for the over-50 demographic are appearing all over the internet, offering their services to the more mature dater.

Sites such as www.datingover50uk.com are all offering those over the age of 50 the opportunity to find romance.

Stella, who was alone for two years after her first husband died before joining the online site, told MailOnline: 'It's very difficult making the transitions from being a carer, to being on your own, to deciding to look for someone else.

'And then once I did eventually start trying to go to places like dinners or dancing, I got the feeling that other women were - completely unnecessarily - perhaps a little threatened by me as a single woman.

'With online dating you don't need to worry about that because you're already meeting someone who is in the same position as you.

'Both Peter and went for people online who had been widowed, not divorced, because we wanted someone who had gone through the same experience as us and come out the other side.

'Perhaps if I was 40 it would have been different, but in my sixties I wanted someone who had experienced what I had.'

Websites catering solely for the over-50 demographic are appearing all over the internet, offering their services to the more mature dater.

The couple's first date was almost, however, a disaster.

Stella said: 'It was almost horrendous! We chose to meet in a cosy pub in between us but on the day we picked there was a complete snowstorm and we were both absolutely snowed in!

'I managed to make it to the pub in the dreadful driving conditions, and as I slid across the ice into the car park I noticed only one other car doing the same.

'We both walked up to the door of the pub and there was a sign saying it was closed for refurbishment! Luckily, we both laughed, which was a good sign, and we took ourselves off for coffee...which lasted five hours'

Stella's advice for online daters over 50 is to be careful about which sites you use.

'Go to a website that looks into the type of person you really are, and matches you properly. There are sites out there that are just for a one-off date, but if that's not what you're looking for then be more thorough'.

Thanks to  MARTHA DE LACEY, Daily Mail, for the article.

5 Top Tips For The Over 50's Dating!

1. Put your best foot forward.

I hate to say it but there's serious competition out there based on the numbers from the Census Bureau.  For online dating spend time writing a profile that shows you in the best light.  Get a friend's opinion on the final draft.  And if you don't have a great photo, ask that same friend to snap a nice candid shot for you to post. 

Have a simple and flattering first date outfit already in the closet -- like a uniform.  When you have that first date, you don't have to agonize over what to where, how it fits, how you'll look.  You'll already know and be able to head to meet Mr. Maybe-Right with a little less stress.  And the best thing to show on the first date is the real you.  At 50+, who has time for being anything but authentic. 

2. Don't settle.

I'm not looking for Prince Charming anymore -- I went to his funeral years ago.  As I've gotten older, my ideal date is kind, smart, emotionally available (did I say that already?), thoughtful and not addicted to any substance other than chocolate or coffee.  Have you made a list of the qualities you'd like to find in the people you date at this point in life?  It helps you get real clear -- again -- on what works and what's non-negotiable for you in a relationship.  If someone doesn't measure up, don't settle for less than what you want. 

3. Lighten Up

When I was young, I took the whole dating thing so seriously.  As I think back on it, the end goal was to get married and have a family -- at least that's what I learned back in the day.  Now I don't really worry about getting married again.  So I'm less wedded -- not to make a pun -- to the end result and more to the journey in a relationship. 

I've also accepted that sometimes I meet someone who just not that into me.  If you haven't read the book by that name, it's enlightening-- and liberating.  From Kathryn Lord, the Romance Coach, here are a few signs that a man just isn't that into you:

• He tells you he's just not that into you.
• He tells you he isn't ready to settle down into a relationship.
• Doesn't give you a hug or a kiss goodbye.
• He doesn't call.

Sound familiar?

4. Protect yourself in all ways possible. 

First, don't share personal information, like your contact info until you've really gotten a comfort level with someone.  For instance, keep your email private which the top online dating sites always do for you.  If you decide to talk with someone on the phone, call them and *67 before you dial their number so your phone number isn't revealed. 

When you're ready to meet someone in person -- coffee in a very public place is a good first date -- advise a friend where you're going and that you will call after you leave.  My sister and I have this arrangement and it works well.  Once I progress to a longer date, like dinner, my sister knows to call at a certain time.  As I answer the call in front of my date, I apologize and jokingly explain how my sister and I look out for one another because my date -- and yours -- should know that someone cares about us.  

The other way to protect yourself is at the point you decide to take a new relationship into intimacy.  The bottom line is that over 50, we need our own stash of condoms and -- no you can't depend on the other person to have one.  Nancy over at Boomerful, who found herself single in midlife, reports that: 

After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life. Don't consider any other way, unless you are really monogamous and have both been tested. If you are in bed with a guy and he doesn't have the guts to use a condom ... or he tries to convince you that one isn't needed ... RUN. He is not worth a conversation, much less your body fluids and possibly your life.

If you're timid about buying a box of condoms from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist -- it is a weird feeling -- then you can buy them online.

5. Enjoy yourself. 

This one sounds easy but I'm not quite there.  It's a goal I haven't quite reached yet in this new world of dating over 50.  I'm hopeful, though.

XXE25M2WTWC5

Do's And Dont's Of Online Dating

Do accept dates with people who aren't your “type”.

Do meet first dates in a public place and always let a friend or family member know where you'll be.

Do make online dating a priority.

Don't use a selfie as your profile photo! It looks like you don't have any friends!

Don't respond to every email that you receive-unless you really want to.

Don't wait for someone you're interested in to message you first!

Do a little research. Before you write your profile, see what people your similar age and gender are saying about themselves.

Do remember that this is a dating site, not a job interview. Use your profile as a trailer, not the full movie.

Do actually date. Get out and meet in real life!

Don't sit idle. Aim for about ten new messages a day in order to get noticed by other users, and the site's algorithm.

Don't cut and paste. It's pretty easy to spot a generic "I send this to all the girls" message, and it won't do you any favours. Personalised messages stand out much more. and get a real dialogue going.

Don't mention how you promise you won't ever tell anyone you met online. The stigma attached to online dating is long gone. Be proud that you're being proactive in your search for love.

Avoiding First Date Faux Pas (Part 2): What Never To Talk About On A First Date

Last month's article ("Avoiding First Date Faux Pas Part 1: What Never to Do on a First Date"), we discussed what never to do on a first date (with a few additional great suggestions from readers). This month's Dating Faux Pas Prevention continues with another subject of concern to many; what are the two of you going to talk about on that first date? Even though this is one of the most common dating questions that I receive, I am instead sharing something far more important... what not to talk about on the first date:

**Don't discuss wanting to get married or have children: Obviously, if you have previously been married and/or if you have children, this is going to be a topic of discussion. Further, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get married, get remarried, have children or have more children. However, future marriage plans and reproductive goals are not appropriate first-date conversation topics. You do not want your date feeling as though they are going to be dragged to a jewelry store after knowing you for all of two hours. And a side note to the gentlemen: Guys, this may seem obvious but please do not propose on a first date -- it is neither cute, nor is it romantic. It is just plain creepy (and yes, it does happen).

**Don't discuss personal finances; either yours or theirs: Talking about the current state of the national or world economy is fine and certainly a timely subject. However, discussing personal financial situations should remain off limits. In fact, I believe that until an exclusive relationship is established, finances should remain private.

**Don't engage in overtly sexual discussion: Playful flirting is fun; it's part of the dating process and it makes us feel good. However, imagine my own disgust when several years ago, one of my simultaneous first-and-last dates started describing one of his particular sexual predilections -- in extremely explicit detail and about ten minutes into the date. This was not flirting... this was frightening. I am by no means a prude but seriously, the only thing that this winner was lacking was a diagram.

I said it last month and I will say it again... what message do you really want to send? Playful flirting suggests that you are attracted to one another. Graphic descriptions of sexual scenarios in which you would like to engage immediately after meeting someone suggests that you drive a windowless van without license plates.

**Don't get into specific details as to how your previous marriage or relationship ended: It is perfectly normal to reveal a few details of how your previous relationship situation ended. However, do not go into a great amount of detail on the first date, as you might easily give the impression that you are still going through the earlier stages of the recovery process. For example most of the people I dated would inquire as to the circumstances surrounding my late husband's death. I would tell them that he had battled Lou Gehrig's disease (because not many people are familiar with the term "ALS") and the usual response was, "I'm so sorry." I then replied, "Thank you," and that was it. I would not go into any further details until or unless a relationship ensued.

The previous-relationship discussion certainly can and should take place if a relationship develops; however, discussing your past too soon, especially with great passion (whether that passion manifests as anger, sadness, tears or longing) will give the impression that you are not yet ready to date. If you are still recovering from the end of your previous relationship, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; however, if that is the case, you may wish to consider stepping back from dating for the time being.

**Don't discuss illnesses/ailments/family issues: You do not want to lead with what is considered to be extremely personal information. For example, if you or a loved one has overcome a serious illness or disorder, that is fantastic and definitely cause for celebration; however, it is not a suitable first-date topic -- remember, your date is someone brand new to your life. The same thing goes for any kind of issues within your family (estate battles, divorce battles, custody battles, difficulty with children, finances, family estrangements, an unfortunate childhood, etc.). Again, these are definitely discussions that you can and should have once a relationship establishes; however, leading with these kinds of disclosures on a first date screams "Way too much information way too soon".

**Don't discuss job or career difficulties: It is entirely acceptable to discuss your careers on a first date; this is conversation that gives you a great sneak peek into the person with whom you are sitting. Moreover, and regardless of the social situation or scenario, one of the first questions that we are usually asked is, "What do you do?" However, if you are experiencing difficulties at work (a bullying boss or co-worker, a round of layoffs, etc.), keep that information to yourself for the moment and instead talk about why you love your career. If you are not especially happy in your current career, talk instead about the career to which you aspire and why.

...and let us not forget the "Big Two"

**Don't discuss politics or religion: It may be cliché, but it is true nonetheless. These are indeed the "Big Two"; the subjects that you will initially want to either tread extremely carefully around or avoid altogether. You can usually get a good feel for where another person is politically and religiously (or spiritually) just by talking to them, however, unless both of you are clearly on the same side of the fence (i.e., you met at your house of worship or at a political party fundraiser), these are hot-button issues that should be approached with great caution.

I once again congratulate you on your willingness to venture back out into the World of Dating. Doing so means that despite the pain that you have suffered with the end of your previous marriage or relationship, you also acknowledge your life is meant to be lived to the fullest in every respect and if you choose it, that life can and should include companionship and love.

Carole's latest book, "Happily Even After..." has won the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award. For more information about Carole Brody Fleet and Widows Wear Stilettos, please visit www.widowswearstilettos.com

Or why not search for your perfect date HERE?

'Why Bother Looking For Love at This Stage?' One Woman Asked

Why am I still open to a new relationship-still in this often difficult and sometimes even painful game?

In the comments section of my blog, a question one reader posed just stopped me in my tracks. Her comment: "When are we (and by 'we' I assume she mainly meant me) going to finally stop looking for a new man for this latter part of our lives when so many of us have already created such full, busy, fulfilling, wonderful lives? Do we really need to put up with the potential needs, demands and idiosyncrasies that any man we find online would put on us, for potentially minimal return on our investment?"

I appreciate comments, because many are thought-provoking. This one, though, made me sad, because of what I see as her resignation. If I understand exactly what she's saying, she wants "us" older women to give up the hunt and accept that we've already had our time as part of a loving, passionate relationship, be it a marriage or other form of companionship. So ladies, that game is over for us, let's just give up the Quixotic quest, settle down to old age and find fulfillment with family and friends, clients and associates if we're still working, grand-kids if we have any, dogs, cats, books, and favourite TV shows? Anyone for golf, bridge, canasta?

Perhaps this strategy has worked for this commenter. Perhaps it has even brought her happiness or at least contentment. But I personally am not resigned. I was a happily married woman and knew what it was to have a solid, beautiful relationship. I have also never resigned from anything in my life and don't intend to now. Yes, this "online dating" thing is not easy. You need to become adept at reading between the lines. You need to have a sharp ear for what's not said. You need to sift through some "little white lies" and some big ones too...like the 'midweek dater' who took me out to one of the best restaurants in the city (which by the way does not impress me; I am happy in a diner with the right guy). Over champagne in icy chilled glasses (well okay that was quite nice!) he asked me out again--for another Tuesday night---then offered every excuse possible about why he could not be available to date on weekends. Well, every excuse except that four letter word the starts with W and ends with E. Just put IF in the middle and you have his real reason! Who falls for these things?

The selection process is harder now than it was at an earlier age, because of the illusions and delusions you have to push through. If there is a next life, maybe I'll come back as a male. If I do come back as a guy and wind up on match.com at this same age I am now, 72, or even older, and write in my profile as so many men do, that I want to meet women "35 to 45" or some equally inappropriate age ranges, please just kill me. You have my written permission.

Give up looking for love, again? Never! I know what intimacy is, and I want it again, in this life, not the next.

When I read her comment, I also wondered if this woman would give this advice to men about not bothering to look for love one last time. One of the men I dated a couple of times was a Harvard-trained doctor, a brilliant conversationalist and a world traveller with energy and much love and affection to share. He is a young 88. Turned out he wanted someone in a similar situation: retired and able to travel regularly with him. Tempting as that was I am so far away from retirement I can't even see that distant shore. Plus, yes, his age was a consideration. My point is that this sweet man, even at age 88, was sure not ready to give up his one more chance at the brass ring. He wants a loving woman on his arm, in his bed and next to him in the first class or river cruise cabin. And why not, when he richly deserves it! Do we want to play it safe, and eventually die in a nursing home, drooling and in diapers, or play big, make love on the high seas, and maybe never have to go down that slippery slope...?

Yes, Virginia, there are many delusional people in this world! But as long as there is hope and goodness and online dating I will keep believing in this particular Santa Claus: the one that will one day deliver another great man to my door, and have him stay with me right through to the end, in my daily life, in my bed, and always, making me laugh.

It would help if he can cook, since I am hopeless in the kitchen. I nuked a potato in the microwave recently. I didn't know you should only leave it in for about six minutes so I put it in for an hour. I was still clueless, even as the smoke alarm went off and the entire apartment filled with smoke. When I opened the microwave door, all I saw sitting here was a tiny black marble. I nuked a potato! Okay, that is not my area of genius. A man who can laugh at my human failings and foibles will earn my trust and love, and I will do the same for him.

People have asked how "that date" went, the one I wrote about last week in my first Huffington Post blog. Are you ready for this? I did tell him that I "might" write about dating for the HP (because, frankly, I didn't want him to ask to see anything and know I already wrote about him). He said, "Great. I'll help you with the research, because you will need a man's POV. So can you set me up with Martha Stewart? Not that I'm interested in her. I would do it for you. I'll report back on our date, and you can write it up."

He was serious! As kindly as I could, I told him people were already setting Martha up with men like Liam Neeson and Tim Robbins. Did he (living on modest income, admitted he could not "perform") really think he had a chance with her? I did ask him that, but did NOT mention his shortcomings. I figured he would know what I meant. "Oh sure," he said without hesitation, completely confident he had what it takes. "Martha would really like me. I would be a refreshing change. A real person, not some entertainer."

'Some entertainer' eh? Ok, going back to delusional, as I said, it isn't always easy to deal with. But, since we all have a touch of it, let's be kind to each other. Of course I will never see this man again. Interestingly, I was debating how to break our next date, and decided to send him an email, and then call. He actually took it real well, saying he understood. "You live in Manhattan and I live in New Jersey. The commute is just too difficult." Let him live with that belief, that it's the commute, and let him find his own way to Martha Stewart. I have 24 more interesting matches in my inbox right now, and I am going to answer a few.

But I do have another amazing story to tell you next week...about a much younger man who wrote to me, and a story that a woman told me that will make any disappointment you might have most likely pale in comparison.

In the week and months ahead, unless someone shuts me down, there will be happy stories, funny stories, poignant stories and more, all true, and all meant to help light the way and make your journey down this road perhaps a little bit brighter, so stay tuned. And please do share your own thoughts and stories with me.

Thanks to:

Judy Katz

Men Over 50 -- May I Give You Some Dating Advice?

I've been dabbling in online dating, and I'm actually enjoying it. I realize that my enjoyment goes hand in hand with not having anything at stake, no enormous expectations. I'm not looking to replace my beloved husband, who died in 2008. (That would be impossible.) I don't need to find someone to give my life meaning and joy, because my life already has meaning and joy.

I do want to bring more male energy into my life, get to know men who are not already in my sphere of friends, enjoy a new companion. There's a lot of joie de vivre in me, and I'd like to share that. If it results in connecting with someone and rocking each other's world, that's a big bonus.

I wrote this comment on a message board for women over 50 in response to one person who was scared to date:

If you think of dating as your way to learn about another person and about yourself without risking anything, it can be fun -- go for coffee or a walk or dinner with someone new, talk, see what you both enjoy discussing and doing. It's when you think of dating as auditioning a potential soulmate that it becomes fraught with anxiety, unpleasantness, and emotional danger.

I really enjoy first dates. I'm interested in learning what we do and don't have in common, and which of the divergences matter a lot. Plus, the writer in me loves hearing people's stories, and first dates are a great way to learn a huge amount in an hour, because it's expected that we share our stories.

Although I'm newly dating after 12 years, I already have some strong opinions about online dating do's and don't's. Here are a few, aimed at men because that's my experience. Are the same true of women, or are there other things that women typically do that irk you?

Advice for Men about Profile Photos

1. Please use a current image as your default photo. It's fine to include older photos also -- I love to see the long, bushy hair you wore in 1969! -- but label them with the year (if your site permits captions), and make those secondary photos, not your main one.
2. Include at least one recently taken close-up of your face. Do. Not. Wear. Sunglasses. I can't tell you how many profiles I skip over because the man is wearing sunglasses. I need to see your eyes.
3. Make your default photo just you -- no buddies on a fishing trip, no arms around a woman who might be your daughter or maybe your ex-wife, and absolutely no edited photo with the woman at your side cropped out (we can tell)!

Advice about Your Profiles

1. Please give your real age and body build. If we'll eliminate you if you're older or heavier than attracts us, so be it -- that would happen once we met anyway. By the way, I'm learning that "average" build/body type can mean 30-50 pounds overweight. Is it true for women's profiles, too, guys?
2. I love it when men 50+ are looking for women their age and even older, but some of you say you're seeking to date women who are at least 10 years your junior. Is that simply an attraction thing? Or are you ruling out vibrant women your age for some reason I don't understand? Sometimes I write men with this question, and occasionally it leads a man to change his upper limit requirement! Mostly, though, they don't answer.
3. I really respect those of you who give me a courtesy of a "no thank you" if I write you first and you're not interested. I see you as polite and compassionate when you write something like "Thank you for writing, but I don't see us as a match. Best wishes...." rather than not answering at all.

Advice For When We Meet

1. Be yourself, be truthful, tell me about yourself -- and I'll do the same. That doesn't mean dumping details of your last health exam or therapy session, but take the opportunity to show me who you really are and what matters to you. We're too old to play the I'll-try-to-appear-to-be-who-you-want-me-to-be game.
2. Please also try to learn about me. If you do all the talking and don't ask me any questions, I don't know if it's nervousness or that you don't care who I am. As interesting as you may be, a monologue absolutely rules out a second date.
3. If we've gone out to dinner, I won't assume you'll pay because you're a man -- I'll offer to share the expense. If you prefer to pick up the check, tell me with a smile, and I'll accept with thanks. But please don't make a face, shudder, and tell me how much you hate "women's libbers" who "act like men." No kidding, someone did that. He's a very nice man and we had good conversation over dinner, but clearly our values and opinions don't match enough for a second date.

I know that none of this advice applies only to people over 50 (except maybe for the 1969 hairstyle), but those of us who are starting to date again at this age may feel that all the rules have changed since we last did this. And they're right!

====
Ageless sexuality advocate Joan Price is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty.Naked at Our Age won Outstanding Self-Help Book 2012 from the American Society of Journalists and Authors and Best Book 2012 from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Joan edited the new steamy senior sex anthology,Ageless Erotica. Visit her zesty, award-winning blog about sex and aging athttp://www.NakedAtOurAge.com, where Joan continues to talk out loud about Boomer/ senior sex, partnered or solo.

Is It All About Sex?

For mature daters, re-entering the dating game can be a shocking and intimidating experience.  Most likely, you've been in serious, long term relationships or have been married - so you haven’t had to worry about things like first dates or when to sleep with someone for the first time…and it can seem like sex is everywhere.

There is also a lot of pressure to keep up with other women, but always remember - just because some woman will sleep with a guy on date number two doesn't mean you need to…or he even really wants you to.

If you've been out of practice for awhile, here’s a little refresher course!  Men thrive on attraction and love a good challenge, so giving it all up at the beginning quickly bores him.  Some women believe that the only way to get a guy to call them again is to get physical too soon…these are the women who usually end  up waiting by the phone wondering why he disappeared.

Men are able to separate sex and emotions, where women have more of a difficult time doing this-it’s just how we are wired.  Spark his attraction by posing a challenge and by not letting him get what he wants, at least not right away.  You can be sexy without resorting to sex, and any man worth your time realizes this. Making him wait for a bit before sleeping with him also shows you what his true intentions are-if he’s only in it for sex, chances are he won’t stay around waiting very long-he’ll move onto an easier target.

Getting physical should be on your terms, and only when you feel completely ready.  Ignore what you think you “should” do to keep his interest…only do what feels right for you, as cliché as it is.  Don’t try to keep up with anyone else, or rely totally on the physical to form a connection. 

Remember, you have nothing to prove…and everything to gain.

http://www.datingover50uk.com